Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
