I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
