I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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