Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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