we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
