I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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