I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
