Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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