I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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