Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am naked and annoyed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
