When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize