Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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