She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
