When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
