when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
