Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
