I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
