Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they need to just BURY HIM!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is my gift to your gina
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
