We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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