I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
