My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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