Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hippo gnu deer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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