So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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