I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
