TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
