did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
