just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
