What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
