I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
