Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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