I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
