I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
