So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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