Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
