just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
