Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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