Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
