Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
