I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
