The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
only if we run a train.
done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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