Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize