I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
