And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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