i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
