He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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