the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
