I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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