cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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