$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
