Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
