mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
