I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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