I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
