I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
