My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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