Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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