pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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