I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
