If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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