in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
