watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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