we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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