Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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