The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
