Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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