The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
