And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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