Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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