a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
smell my finger.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
