epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
