im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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