so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
