Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
